Just to Finally Feel Good About Myself': An Analysis of Lesbian Coming-Out Narratives

Hutchison 1 Elizabeth Hutchison Senior Research Final Draft Dr. Pollock April 27, 2016 “Just to Finally Feel Good About Myself”: An Analysis of Lesbian Coming­Out Narratives Coming­out narratives do not show a linear progression from “in the closet” to being “completely out.” Rather, coming­out narratives involve the developing internal and social experience of eventually owning one’s identity. These texts include not only the outward experiences of a changing social identity, but more so, the contemplative and intimate process of accepting oneself. These stories are characteristic of deviant sexual or gender identity, as is the case in the coming­out narrative, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. The reader follows the protagonist’s experience in the novel of confusion and then final acceptance of being a gay woman in rural 1980s Britain. The graphic novels, 1 F un Home: A Family Tragicomic (Alison Bechdel), and Le bleu est une couleur chaude ( Blue Is the Warmest Color, Julie Maroh), similarly capture the experience of acceptance and final outward affirmation of homosexuality. These graphic novels are recent; Fun Home was published in 2006, and Blue Is the Warmest Color was published not too long after, in 2010. The author, Julie Maroh, is still writing and illustrating French LGBT+ comics, as is the American author of Fun Home , Alison Bechdel. In 2013, the film adaption of Le bleu est une couleur chaude was released in theatres, directed by Abdellatif Kechiche . By considering 1 Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, the film adaption, was released in 1990. The BBC drama serial, semi­autobiographical, was created by Jeanette Winterson, and included three episodes (165 minutes). Hutchison 2 these three authors, Alison Bechdel, Julie Maroh, Jeanette Winterson, and briefly director Abdellatif Kechiche, I conclude that both the commonalities of these lesbian coming­out narratives, namely the different and intimate ways in which the protagonists come to know their sexuality, are what characterize the emotional journey of “coming­out.” All three works2 , plus a film adaptation and an inspired Broadway musical ( Fun Home ), are about uncomfortable social transitions, dealt with through introspection. Because of this, the narratives include common themes that are sensitive and reflective: sexual fluidity, naming oneself, religious oppression, romantic relationships, dysfunctional family life, identity, introspection, social injustice, and methods of finding one’s own sexuality. Jeanette Winterson, author of Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, is a British novelist and screenwriter. Much of her work comprises gay and lesbian fiction and semi­autobiographical pieces. She has also authored children’s books, illustrated books, newspaper articles, and books of essays on art and culture, some of which also include LGBT+ themes. Some of her other writings include Boating for Beginners, The Passion, Art and Lies, and Gut Symmetries. Her first acclaimed novel, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, was published in 1985. In 1990, Winterson adapted the novel for a BBC television, her story broken up into 3 episodes. And in 2012, Winterson published her memoir, Why be Happy When You Could Be Normal?, which many readers have noticed, directly parallels circumstances and characters from Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. In this way, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit is similar to Alison Bechdel’s coming­out narratives, Fun Home and Are You My Mother?, in their autobiographical quality (which is not shared by Blue Is the Warmest Color , Maroh). Much of Winterson’s strict Pentecostal Evangelist background can 2 All three works have gone on to inspire adaptations. Hutchison 3 be seen in her first novel , where the protagonist (also named Jeanette) finds herself rebuked and abandoned because of her sexuality, or her “unnatural passions” (Winterson 92). Jeanette asks her girlfriend Melanie, “Do you think this is Unnatural Passion?” (92). And Melanie replies, “Doesn’t feel like it. According to Pastor Finch, that’s awful” (92). In Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, Jeanette comes by her sexuality through a close friend, Melanie. Jeanette, even while in a fundamentalist Christian household, finds her sexuality to be an exception from the rules of her community. Other recurring themes in the novel and film adaption include family ties, acceptance, sexual identity, experimentation, happenstance, emotional abuse, and religious influence and oppression. The author is currently writing children’s books, articles for The Guardian, and broadcasting a radio drama for BBC Radio. Jeanette hears of “unnatural passions” before she has even begun primary school. This is one of the first steps toward her understanding of what a lesbian is, and the relationship the LGBT+ community has with fundamentalism. After young Jeanette befriends two women who run a paper store, she begins to talk about the two to her mother: “There were two women I knew who didn’t have husbands at all...on a Wednesday, they gave me a banana bar with my comic. I liked them a lot, and talked about them a lot with my mother” (Winterson 6). After asking her mother if she can spend time with the two women at the beach, Jeanette explains, “my mother said firmly and forever, no” (6). Jeanette overhears her mother tell a friend the two women “dealt in unnatural passions” (6). In other words, the women were a couple, according to her mother. Jeanette mentions this story early in “Genesis,” the first section of the work, almost as a passing remark. We might at first mistake this occurrence as trivial because of its briefness. However, this is one of the first instances where Jeanette finds herself questioning her mother’s methods and religious beliefs. This occasion is also one of the few places Jeanette meets another person with “unnatural Hutchison 4 passions,” and it impacts and complicates her understanding of what being gay is and means. It is not until later however, that Jeanette finds out she is gay. At the beginning of the first chapter, titled, “Genesis,” we come to understand Jeanette’s family’s relationship to sex: “Enemies were: The Devil (in his many forms), Next Door, Sex (in its many forms), and Slugs. Friends were: God, Our Dog, Auntie Madge, The Novels of Charlotte Bronte, and Slug pellets” (Winterson 1). As far as Jeanette’s family is concerned, her only close relative and guardian is her adopted mother, who chooses to be called “Auntie” rather than “Mom.” Her mother’s outlook on life is strict and puritanical: her areas of study are limited based on convenience in the Bible, and Jeanette was adopted just so that her mother could raise a missionary child, a lifelong dream that was never achieved. But Jeanette only follows her mother with loving devotion, knowing through primary school that one day she will be a great missionary as her mother wants. Jeanette states about her mother: “She wanted the Mormons to knock on the door. At election time in a Labour mill town she put a Conservative candidate in the window. She had never heard of mixed feelings. There were friends and there were enemies” (1). Jeanette’s mother eventually becomes the largest barrier to Jeanette’s sexual freedom. This is because of the dynamic between the mother and daughter, and more so, Jeanette’s wish to have her mother’s approval and placement in her life. Sadly, the two for the first half of the book retain a relationship built on religious oppression and emotional abuse. This manipulative relationship remains until Jeanette meets her first girlfriend Melanie. Jeanette and her mother find themselves at odds because Jeanette begins to question her mother’s faith and the church’s teachings. Her mother’s resistance to Jeanette’s coming­out process is pivotal. Only when Jeanette’s mother outs her own daughter does Jeanette find understanding and affirmation in her identity as a gay woman. If not for her mother’s selfish dedication to the church, Jeanette would not have been pushed to stand in Hutchison 5 front of the congregation and come out: “I love her...I love both of them...I do, I do, let me go” (105). Jeanette meets Melanie by happenstance. “I wouldn’t have noticed Melanie if I hadn’t gone round the other side of the stall to look at the aquarium” (Winterson 82). Most of the narrative takes place when Jeanette is eleven, including the instance where she befriends Melanie. In Fun Home, young Alison begins questioning her gender identity earlier than eleven. Similar to Fun Home (Bechdel), Jeanette’s coming out process begins at an early age and progresses into adulthood. Meeting Melanie sparks Jeanette’s coming­out. Until the mention of the two together, there is no mention of Jeanette’s sexuality. When Jeanette first sees Melanie, it is while shopping with her mother. Melanie works at the shop, gutting fish and packing them. Jeanette offers, “I’d like to do that,” while watching Melanie use a knife to clean the fish (82). Jeanette takes notice of Melanie’s eyes: “She looked up, and I noticed her eyes were a lovely grey, like the cat Next Door” (82). Melanie and Jeanette talk about the fish, and Jeanette asks her mother if she can have a fish. Before the two speak much more, Jeanette’s mother, characteristic of her, yells, “Get a move on...We’ve hardly enough money to feed what we have got, without another mouth. That damn dog costs enough” (83). Jeanette again grows angry at her mother: “I felt wronged. If she had taught me to read like other children had been taught to read, I wouldn’t have these obsessions. I’d be happy with a pet rabbit and the odd stick insect” (83). In this instance, Jeanette is not angry because her mother stole her away from her new friend, but rather that her mother stripped her of one of her few hobbies, collecting pets. This instance of Jeanette meeting Melanie is similar to many of interactions between the two, to come. The early interactions between Jeanette and Melanie, according to Jeanette, are described as “wonderful,” “strange,” and “comfortable” (Winterson 83). Here, in these Hutchison 6 intimate moments and situations, is where Jeanette finds out her sexuality. Jeanette starts a sort of relationship with Melanie, maybe closer to another one of her “obsessions”: “Week after week I went back there, just to watch” (85). At first it may appear that Jeannette more so wants a pet, however, with more repeated visits, we come to understand the real reason she goes back. Melanie is not just another “obsession” for Jeanette, a way of distraction, but rather, her first real crush. When Jeanette finally begins a real conversation with Melanie, she notes her smile and the way she feels toward Melanie: “She smiled, and said she would and we went to eat it on the bench outside Woolworth’s. I was very nervous, and the pigeons got most of mine” (85). Here, Jeanette is talking about one of the first few dates she had with Melanie. Jeanette talks about how the “pigeons got most of mine,” letting the readers know that because she was paying more attention to Melanie and her eyes, most of her food from the picnic was stolen by the birds. Eventually, the two grow close, and Melanie becomes part of the same church community as Jeanette. Jeanette chooses to share that important part of her life with Melanie, despite the accusations of her mother, another indicator that Jeanette is developing romantic feelings for Melanie. In addition, Jeanette’s mother takes close note of the growing relationship of the two, with overprotection and hostility. Jeanette’s mother tells her: “Don’t let anyone touch you Down There” and “So just you take care, what you think is the heart might well be another organ” (91). Jeanette cringes at this advice, and makes to get away to Melanie. There are no explicit sex scenes between Jeanette and any of her romantic partners. The novel reveals only three women Jeanette chooses to be intimate with, Melanie being the first. Most of the instances during her coming­out process are not hinged on sexual experiences. When talking about Melanie, any sort of sexual relations between the two are described subtly. It is important to note the lack of explicit sexual encounters in Jeanette’s Hutchison 7 coming out narrative, because it shows the extent of importance of sex for Jeanette. The narrator finds her sexuality through other means, unlike Clementine in Le bleu est une couleur chaude (Julie Maroh) . More similarly to Fun Home, the narrator finds her sexuality curiously and independently. However, there is one scene between Jeanette and an older mentor, whom she does not feel for romantically, but who takes advantage of during her coming­out process. This scene takes place immediately after Jeanette comes out in front of her church, and she finds refuge in another member of the church’s house. We read the Bible as usual, and then told each other how glad we were that the Lord had brought us together. She stroked my head for a long time, and then we hugged and it felt like drowning. Then I was frightened but couldn’t stop...And it was evening and it was morning; another day (92). Similarly, for Jeanette’s only other romantic interest within the novel, sex is denoted as night and day, and nothing more: When Jeanette spends the night with Melanie, we can infer that they sleep together. Unlike Blue Is the Warmest Color (Julie Maroh) and its film adaptation (Abdellatif Kechiche), the protagonist Jeanette knows she is gay even before being intimate with Melanie. Jeanette accepts her sexuality unapologetically and unquestioningly compared to the character Clementine in Blue Is the Warmest Color, who originally tries to change her homosexuality . Rather, Jeanette finds her sexuality by emotionally committing to Melanie, and through observing other’s experiences, such as the two women in the paper shop. It is in the intimate moments Melanie and Jeanette share in church and studying their faith together that Jeanette falls for Melanie: “After that we did everything together, and I stayed with her as often as I could” (92). Jeanette spends the night with Melanie, goes to church with her, and Hutchison 8 visits her at work whenever she can. The intimate relationship and the few to follow in the novel are Jeanette’s experiences which she comes to find her lesbianism. And here, also unlike Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic (Alison Bechdel) , Jeanette does not find her sexuality solely on her own, and neither through literature. It is not until the church community finds out about Jeanette and Melanie’s relationship, that Jeanette truly comes­out. Alison Bechdel has been an openly “out” cartoonist since the 1980s. Her long running comic strip, Dykes to Watch Out For, is still running, past its 500th episode, and in 2006 she published her first coming out story, Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic (Cole) . The graphic novel is autobiographical, illustrating Bechdel’s early life, primarily her coming­out story, but also the relationship between herself and her family as she comes out. Responses to Bechdel’s Fun Home range widely, receiving both praise and intolerance because as it is unmistakably gay. Time named Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home “book of the year.” In 2006, Louise Mills requested that the book be banned from a public library in Marshall, Missouri, on the basis of its “pornographic” and “inappropriate” content (Cole). In 2015, the Broadway musical Fun Home , inspired by Bechdel’s graphic novel, won five Tony Awards and received “New York theatre community's highest honours” (Cole). Fun Home, the graphic novel, depicts Bechdel’s hunger for literature, almost solely fueled by her father. The novel also displays how her father’s closeted sexuality affected her family and the parallels and balances between herself and him. Bechdel’s relationship with her father serves as the frame for the novel, beginning with her experiences of playing “airplane” with him as a child in “Old Father, Old Artificer.” The story ends with Bechdel’s own misgivings about his suicide: “The Antihero's Journey.” The novel also includes more introspective themes, such as dysfunctional family life and the evolution of both intolerance and acknowledgement of the Hutchison 9 queer community in the United States. Most noteworthy of these introspective themes, are the complexities of Bechdel’s gender and sexual orientation and the role of literature in finding one’s own identity. The continuation of Bechdel’s memoir, Are You My Mother?, what I also consider to be a coming­out narrative, follows her relationship with her mother and the strain caused by her first book’s publication. Here, Bechdel and her mother attempt to come to terms with Bechdel’s father’s suicide, as well as the now published, or “out,” dysfunctional family life of the Bechdel’s. Unlike the revelation in Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit and Blue Is the Warmest Color, Bechdel’s first revelation about her sexual identity comes, as she says, “not of the flesh, but of the mind” (74). Bechdel explains early in her memoir that her father, a book enthusiast and high school English teacher, encouraged any interest she took in literature. And indirectly, her father’s bookish influence has helped her discover her own sexuality. Upon her first visit to a feminist bookstore, Bechdel finds enlightenment by reading the definition of a “lesbian” in the dictionary. This act then leads her interests toward literature on homosexuality, and then to many other books specifically on female sexuality (74). She states, “and soon I was trolling even the public library, heedless of the risks” (75). With more “researching” she becomes more comfortable with her sexuality: “my researches were stimulating but solitary. It became clear I was going to have to leave this academic plane and enter the human fray” (76). For the next several pages, whenever we see Alison, she is lying, sitting, or surrounded by a pile of books about homosexuality, lesbians, “coming­out,” and flyers for the local queer community (76). Here, she finally puts herself out in the world she feels “right” in. We even see her venture to a gay bar, where she seems to be both comfortable and uncomfortable, understandably because she is new to her home (77). The Hutchison 10 illustrations depict Bechdel waiting in the corner of the bar, and looking somewhat surprised and nervous when another woman motions to her with interest. In addition, Bechdel’s father unintentionally helps Bechdel find her gender identity. Bechdel reveals her sexuality and non­binary gender almost exclusively through exchanges between herself and her father. We know her sexuality is solidified when she casually stumbles upon the queer literature section in the library, but of course this comes much later in the novel. Within the first few pages of Fun Home , we know that Bechdel does not strive to perform femininity in any way. Her understanding of gender identity comes at a young age, as early as primary school, and it is not until much later that Bechdel comes about the definition of a lesbian in a bookstore as is awakened to her sexual identity. She oftentimes tries to appear more masculine/gender neutral by the way she cuts her hair, and her refusal to wear the clothes her father picks out. If not for the feminine name on the cover of the autobiography, the gender of young Bechdel would remain ambiguous. The first chapter, “Old Father, Old Artificer,” begins with a scene from Bechdel’s childhood, “Like many fathers, mine could occasionally be prevailed on for a spot of airplane. As he launched me, my full weight would fall on the pivot point between his feet and my stomach. It was a discomfort well worth the rare physical contact, and certainly worth the moment of perfect balance when I soared above him.” (3). The first panel illustrates Bechdel’s father being coerced by Alison. She tugs on his leg, seeming outwardly gender neutral: short light hair, pants and a striped tshirt. For the majority of her childhood remembrances, she is seen with shaggy haircuts, loose pants and tops. When she is wearing feminine clothing we come to understand her gender identity more fully. One panel in “Old Father, Old Artificer” depicts Bechdel looking uncomfortable in a sailor dress, which she tells us was upon request of her father (15). They are often pitted against one another, but strangely enough, through this Hutchison 11 disagreement, Bechdel becomes aware of her own gender identity. The antagonism between Bechdel and her father in a sense becomes the first signal for her and step toward coming out. The family relationships, specifically between Bechdel and her parents, are all too often uncomfortable and paradoxical: her father is gay but remains homophobic, and her mother is aware of her father’s affairs yet chooses to ignore them. All three narratives, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit (Winterson) , Fun Home, and Blue Is the Warmest Color (Maroh) , include family ties as an important aspect of, and difficulty in the protagonists’ coming­out process. The relationship between Bechdel’s gender identity and her father’s fashion tastes specifically are one of the first indicators we see of Bechdel discovering her sexual and gender identity. Her relationship with her father is more developed in Fun Home because of his influence over her coming­out experience. She says about herself, “I was Spartan to my father’s Athenian. Modern to his Victorian. Butch to his Nelly” (15). At this point in Bechdel’s coming­out process, the antagonism of tastes between herself and her father is not something which she cares or notes deeply. Later on in the novel, she will reflect on this. The two clash not only when it comes to fashion choice, although often we take notice of the fights over clothing because of its recurrence; it becomes unignorable. In addition, Bechdel’s father constantly imposes his feminine qualities on Bechdel’s masculine. She confusingly asks when she is young, “Who cares if the necklines don’t match?” While he dictates, “Yellow turtleneck. Now” (15). Her father is seen in this panel as unyielding. The confused look on her face only reinforces her tomboyish personality, her gender nonconformity. She stands dumbfounded at his needless insistence. The novel presents her as a fish out of water for the first half of the book (especially while she is finding herself), put in pearls and dresses when she just wants to cut her hair short and date women. She starts to figure out her own gender identity by finding the magazines her father carries, of men’s Hutchison 12 clothing lying around the home. Her father also enjoys this shared activity because of his relatively feminine traits and interests. The two are unknowingly able to explore their sexual and gender identities through each other. Both young Bechdel and her father can comfortably explore gender non­conformity in clothing magazines. It is a hobby that they can participate in together, without the worry of outing one another. While we watch Bechdel’s excitement about reading and discovering new things that make her happy unfold, tension and anxiety remain in the background of her memoir. It’s not too long before we find out her mother’s disapproval of and her father’s hazy excitement towards her newfound sexuality. She says about her father: “He thought that I thought that he was a queer. Whereas he knew that I knew that he knew that I was too” (212). Bechdel includes images of both her mother and father’s responses to her original coming out letter, which seem to be overwhelmingly disappointing. She accompanies her own dispirits with excerpts of correspondence, these being mostly typed and handwritten letters from her father. This in a way, retains enough physical distance without expense of emotional attachment. He responds quite vaguely about her identity. “I’ll admit that I have been somewhat envious of the ‘new’ freedom (?) that appears on campuses today. In the fifties it was not even considered an option” (212). Bechdel receives a letter in return long after she tells her mother she is gay: “I imagine that, if in the long run, your choice turns out to be a serious one, I could live with it, but I truly hope that this does not happen” (77). In Bechdel’s second graphic novel, Are You My Mother?, a pairing to Fun Home, her mother continues to find difficulty coming close to recognizing her daughter’s identity. Even though her mother is aware that Bechdel writes and illustrates lesbians, she still diverts each conversation away from Bechdel’s sexuality. In “Queer Attachments: Alison Bechdel and the shifting Hutchison 13 relationship between queer selves and heteronormativity,” Tulia Thompson, a Queer theorist, explores these contrasting and hypocritical perspectives further: Bechdel’s narrator’s refusal of heterosexuality creates the conditions of possibility for seeing her father’s life as queer, the odd life of a closeted gay man. In the narrative, the narrator’s coming out as lesbian leads to admission of the family’s secret; her father has had multiple affairs with young men. It is the narrator’s worldview as lesbian that is able to deconstruct the heterosexual form of her parents (85). In Are You My Mother?, Bechdel’s mother eventually sets the blame on her daughter for, in a sense, “outing” the family. Her mother cannot understand and at times chooses not to listen to why Bechdel must write about her father’s suicide and bisexuality. In the sequel, her mother even avoids the topic and somewhat the acceptance of her husband’s suicide. Her mother likens Bechdel’s coming­out story several times to both the act of getting revenge and needing closure. Strangely, while her mother moves away emotionally from Alison, her father seems to become closer; maybe it is because they are now part of the same community and in turn, both feel ostracized. He might also have become closer to her because she left for school. However, more likely, they became closer because of literature; Alison chooses to take an English course at college, and from here, she receives recommendations on what to study next from her father over the phone, by letter, and eventually in person. Her dad offers, “Here, take this. It’s a copy I used in college,” and “Here’s Dubliners, too. The first three stories are like drafts from Portrait” (204). She takes the advice of her father, which slowly opens up a space for conversation outside of literature classes. The exchange of books creates Hutchison 14 the exchange of conversation after years without any. Before Bechdel leaves for college, she and her father lacked the ability to have conversations on sexual and gender identity. Oddly enough, after leaving for college, Bechdel and her father’s relationship seems to grow despite the physical distance, due to her enrollment in an English course, and her correspondence with him on her sexual identity. With the exchange of conversation, comes the validation of her father’s sexuality and the many affairs. Even though his remarks are at times unclear, and almost coded in their exchange of letters and phone calls, the conversation begins, as does her coming out. Julie Maroh began working on the coming­out narrative Le bleu est une couleur chaude ( Blue Is the Warmest Color ) at the age of 19. Maroh is an openly “out” French writer and illustrator and her graphic novel, Blue Is the Warmest Color, was published in France in 2010. In 2013, Arsenal Pulp Press published the English language version of her novel. This coming­out narrative follows the sexual experiences and romantic interests of Clementine, a seventeen year old high school girl. The story follows Clementine’s progression of coming out up until her eventual death, an ambiguous suicide. In both the 2013 film adaptation and the graphic novel, sex scenes remain a major part of the plot, which has contributed to much of the controversy over the recent film adaptation. In a sense, Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home has generated similar public criticism, due to illustrated sex scenes. Both 3 of the graphical novels and Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit include similar introspective themes, such as social expectations, and oppression. But unique to Blue Is the Warmest Color, the film and graphic novel, are themes of sexual fantasies, peer pressure, sexual fluidity, and relationship 3 Bechdel’s book was critiqued for being available at public libraries, due to one lesbian sex scene. The film Blue Is the Warmest Color has received much more spotlight for its so called, “porographic” scenes as opposed to the original graphic novel. Hutchison 15 abuse. What developes the coming­out process in the graphic novel, outside of Clementine's sexual partners, is the use of the color blue within the illustrations. This color marks the moments of happiness for Clementine, places which usually spark her curiosity and eventually guide her to finding her identity. The 2013 film does deviate greatly in manner of presentations of the protagonist, ending, and visual rhetoric, but the the importance of the color blue remains just as vital to her coming­out story. In the same year as the English language version of Blue is the Warmest Color , the film adaptation, directed by Abdellatif Kechiche, received much controversy and acclaim at Cannes Film Festival. In response to seeing the film adaption, Maroh stated: “ This was what was missing on the set: lesbians” (Sciolino). Maroh went on to explain that she felt the film’s illustrations of lesbian sex were “uninformed, unconvincing and pornographic” (Sciolino). Many critics of the film felt otherwise, like Baz Bamigboye, a critic from The Daily Mail , who described the sex scenes as “exceptionally beautiful” (Sciolino). Julie Maroh found the gay film to be incredibly and unrealistically gay: “The gay and queer people laughed because it’s not convincing, and find it ridiculous...And among the only people we didn’t hear giggling were (the) guys too busy feasting their eyes on an incarnation of their fantasies on screen” (Sciolino). Surprisingly, while Maroh harshly critiqued the film’s overrepresentation of sexuality, it is difficult not to notice that the author also incorporated sexuality deeply within the graphic novel through clear illustrations. Without the sexual experiences drawn both beautifully and intimately (with the color blue usually) into the story, Clementine’s coming out process would differ greatly. The Blue Is the Warmest Color is not autobiographical, unlike Fun Home and Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. Also unlike Fun Home, in Blue Is the Warmest Color, the young protagonist in the graphic novel, Clementine, finds herself questioning her sexual Hutchison 16 identity after seeing a blue haired lesbian. She has sexual fantasies about her and finds herself interested, but also surprised and even confused about her own recognized sexual identity. The possibility she could be in love with a woman (as Bechdel would describe, an experience of the “flesh”) seems probable but also impossible for Clementine. A similar occurrence happens to Jeanette in Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, when she meets Melanie, and a bit more slowly falls in love with her. For Jeanette, falling in love with Melanie seemed to be so perfect as it eventually unfolded, and after loving another girl, she accepted her sexuality despite her faith or family. Jeanette viewed herself and her sexuality as normal and natural, outside the bounds of criticism and societal punishment. In contrast, Clementine’s attraction for Emma is felt almost immediately. This distinguishes her coming out story from Bechdel’s ( Fun Home ) as well, because Bechdel does not need to be in love or in lust with a woman to know that she is gay. For Clementine, until she is able to spend intimate time and experiment sexually with the blue haired lesbian (Emma), her identity is not solidified. Clementine’s means of discovering her own sexuality are rooted in sexual episodes with past lovers, which are illustrated both intimately and emotionally. The graphic novel is set up retrospectively; we see the lover of the protagonist in the first few pages read a letter from Clementine. She writes a note to tell Emma that her diaries are for her to read after she has died. The following scenes make up a long story of Clementine’s sexual experiences and the meeting of the two women. The narrative in addition includes themes of restraint and the emotional and physical abuse. This abuse is both given and withstood by Clementine’s lovers, friends, and family, due to her being gay. The first time Clementine sees Emma, Clementine is on her way to a date: “October 27th, 1994: Today I am meeting Thomas. All of my girlfriends are pushing me to go out with him, but only because he is super cute, and he’s a senior. My heart beats fast when I think Hutchison 17 about what’s about to happen. I’m a bit scared” (12). As we read this journal entry, the panel following depict Clementine walking briskly across a street. The lines, “My heart beats fast…” are accompanied by her gazing up at someone not included in the panel (12). But the next panel shows a spot of bright blue among a crowd of people, which on the next page slowly becomes a close facial picture of Emma and her girlfriend embracing one another as Clementine walks by (13). Through the illustrations, we come to understand that Clementine’s nervousness is not due to Thomas, her date, but rather her uncontrollable curiosity about the lesbian she saw on the street. The panels continue to show Clementine walking down the street, but at the same time, Emma’s bright blue spot of hair fades farther away into the crowd (13). We also can conclude that Clementine watches Emma walk away, unable to break contact with her, because the final panel depicts Clementine and Emma making brief eye contact. Despite Clementine’s curiosity, she continues on to the date. There is no dialogue included between herself and Thomas, simply activities and facial depictions (16). The two visit music shops, share snacks, and exchange jokes. The following page is also devoid of dialogue. The first panel illustrates Clementine lying in bed, with the thought of the blue haired girl and her girlfriend illuminating and floating above her head. In her dream, Emma visits her in bed, and kisses and caresses her. She wakes up startled, and asks herself, “Hey, what’s happening to me?” (19). She goes about the rest of her day wondering about the dream: “That seemed so real. But how could I dream something like that?...It’s...It’s…” (Maroh 19). The dream might be so surprising to Clementine because of the presence of Thomas earlier that same day. However, she seizes the opportunity to kiss him and understand her sexuality more fully. She rationalizes as she grabs Thomas in the hallway and kisses him, “I’m a girl, and girls date boys” (20). Hutchison 18 Clementine does not fully understand nor accept her sexuality until she she sleeps with her partners. In the post sex scene with Thomas, we see Clementine distressed. Thomas asks her, “Clementine? Clementine, say something. Are you okay? Hey, babe, we’ve been together for over six months...But it’s normal to be afraid...I was totally terrified the first time” (21). Clementine gets up and starts dressing, while Thomas continues to beg her to stay. She leaves Thomas and returns home to cry. In her journal entry, she talks about her frustration and confusion about Thomas. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened (and could have happened), and I like myself less and less...I feel lost, alone, at the bottom of a pit. I don’t know what to do. I get the feeling that everything I do is unnatural” (25). While Clementine may have had her doubts (although we do not know because of the forward plot movement of six months) she is not able to solidify feelings of incompatibility with Thomas until after they are intimate. Before Clementine leaves, she tells Thomas, “I have no idea what I am doing here, Thomas” (22). This instance confirms her knowledge that she is not attracted to Thomas, that her feelings of “unnatural” are him. What she believes to be “unnatural,” however, will soon be rewritten when she befriends Emma later on. The film and novel deviate greatly in how they present romantic and sexual interests. While the novel deals with romantic and sexual interests differently, the film does not, and this can be seen in Clementine’s relationship with Thomas. In the film, the presence of Thomas, Clementine’s first sexual partner, is much more brief and hostile. Clementine ( Adèle) comes by Thomas in the same way as the novel, being pressured by her friends at school, and only appears to go on one date with him before they sleep together. The sex scene is brief in comparison to those that are featured with Emma. Adèle does very little during sex, simply letting Thomas do what he wills. While the sex was consensual, Adèle leaves the scene seeming unsatisfied and abused. Later in the film we see shots of her crying in her Hutchison 19 bedroom, her tears reinforcing that she was very upset and embarrassed by the sex. She chooses not to tell her friends at school about having sex with Thomas, even while they tease her, knowing that she has. From the sex scene with Adèle and Thomas, we come to realize, and so too does Adèle, that she is not attracted to Thomas either romantically or sexually. However, in the graphic novel, we know that Clementine does feel strongly for Thomas. She dates him for six months before having sex with him, and when she finally does, only then does she decide she cannot be with him. In the graphic novel, Clementine’s true coming­out occurs because of Emma, but in the film, the protagonist comes to terms with her sexuality independently. The friendship between Clementine and Emma comes about after the two meet at a gay bar. In the film, Emma begins to mentor, suggesting philosophers and artists for her to familiarize herself with. Similarly, in the graphic novel, Emma becomes a close, more experienced, companion to Clementine. Emma avoids the subject of her girlfriend, and Clementine briefly avoids the subject of her sexuality. After a hard day at school, of being harassed by her friends for going to a gay bar, Clementine meets Emma, and the two walk towards Emma’s apartment. Clementine asks: “Emma, why are we walking around in circles? I know that you live in the next block...Why do you always talk about your books, paintings, treasures, but you never invite me up to your place to see them?” (Maroh 90). Emma seems to be distracting herself in order to avoid answering. Clementine looks at the ground and thinks, “No, don’t crack. Don’t cry” (90). Eventually Emma reaches for her, hugs her, and tells her: “When you finally fall in love, that guy will be the luckiest man in the world” (91). Emma disappears, and then Clementine comes to a realization: “You are that guy...How could you say that to me, Emma? It’s you­that luckiest ‘guy’ in the world­Emma, it’s you! It’s you, Emma” (91). As she thinks these lines, we see a panel of Clementine’s feet moving down the alley, towards Hutchison 20 Emma’s block. The next page depicts Clementine rushing towards Emma’s door, opening the door, standing at the frame, peering at Emma’s tear stained face, and then finally embracing her. At this moment, Clementine has finally allowed herself to think that she is in love with a woman, and to act on her desires within the same moment. As they are hugging and accepting one another, Clementine keeps asking: “Why?” (93). “Why have you never brought me here? Why?” (93). Emma answers her: “Because...because I couldn't have controlled my desire to make love to you” (94). Clementine kisses Emma for the first time and thinks, “My stomach, my heart, my throat­my whole body was screaming...you, you, you there is only you...I love you” (94). After this scene, comes the validation that Clementine is gay. She affirms her sexual attraction to women when she tells her best friend about Emma. Her friend asks, “And...and then???” (Maroh 98). She states, “ Then we fell asleep wrapped around each other. I woke up at about 7 o’clock and left quickly, making sure I didn’t wake her. Obviously, I got yelled at when I got home, but that was the least of my worries” (98). However, in the film, Adèle has a harder time telling anyone of her love for Emma. It is not of her own choosing, rather, she is outed by Emma because she visits her at school. This further complicates the film’s coming out narrative, because Adèle does not have agency over her identity. Arguably, in the film, Adèle does not understand nor affirm her sexuality until the closing scene. In the final act of the film, Emma and Adèle find that their relationship is at odds. This occurs because Adèle feels for one of her male co­workers and eventually cheats on Emma. However, the relationship the two is seen as strained for the days leading up to Adèle’s disloyalty. When the two finally part, Adèle is unable to cope and resume a happy life without Emma, until she accepts that she can be just as happy in a relationship with man, a mutual friend of her and Emma’s. In the film, Adèle’s sexuality is seen as much more fluid, Hutchison 21 rather than in the graphic novel, in which Clementine only falls for women. Adèle has to learn to accept her bisexuality before she can finally be happy. The closing scene of the film leaves room to believe that Adèle will begin a new chapter of life, this time with a man. She walks down the street in a blue dress in the final shots, a color which has signified so much happiness for both protagonists. This, I would argue, is a signifier for the shifting relationship between Adèle and Emma. The color blue denotes a sense of closure for the film, because of its familiarity; it reminds the audience of moments from the beginning of Adèle’s coming­out story. The beginning of the film up until the mid third act if filled with the color blue, (usually by Emma’s hair) and these moments are remembered fondly by both characters. However, the ending to the graphic novel paints Clementine as already out, and as a lesbian, which is why her coming­out occurs near the middle of the narrative. The ending to the novel reflects the beginning, the reason why the comic novel is read more so as a journal entry. All three narratives have been remarkable, in the sense that they have gone on to inspire popular adaptations. The two graphic novels, Blue Is the Warmest Color and Fun Home, have become completely new works, a film and a Broadway play, respectively. And Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit has gone on to become a BBC TV drama series. Jeanette Winterson, the screenplay writer for her book, and Alison Bechdel, the larger inspiration for Fun Home on Broadway, both affirm the adaptations of their original works, dissimilar to Julie Maroh. The three narratives are each culturally relevant and chronologically significant, as they have been published in different eras and regions. The earliest work Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit , was first published in 1985, and depicts a strictly religious and unempathetic rural Britain. The next, Fun Home, illustrates a less religiously oppressive environment in comparison; But the environment within the graphic novel is still an uncondoning and Hutchison 22 heteronormative early 21st century United States. The final piece, Blue Is the Warmest Color, published only four years after Fun Home, showcases a world just as limited to the protagonist because of her sexuality, but with no explicit references to religion. In this way, each narrative reflects the process of coming­out distinct to its region and history. This may account for some of the larger distinctions, between the coming­out processes, such as the ways in which the protagonists explore their sexuality and the reactions from their friends and family. In any case, while all of the narratives are coming­out narratives for lesbians, the ways in which the protagonists come about their sexuality and gender identity differ intimately and distinctly. And these distinctions are what characterize their stories and create the process of ultimately owning their identity. Hutchison 23 Works Cited Bechdel, Alison. Are You My Mother?. New York: Mariner Books, 2012. Print. Bechdel, Alison. Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic. New York: Mariner Books, 2006. Print. Blue is the Warmest Color. Abdellatif Kechiche. Perf. Léa Seydoux , Adèle Exarchopoulos . Quat'sous Films , Wild Bunch , France 2 Cinéma , 2013, DVD. Bronski, Michael. “Revolt/Backlash/Resistance.” A Queer History of the United States. Boston: Beacon Press, 2011. 205­235. Print. 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"Complicating The Coming Out Narrative: Becoming Oneself In A Hutchison 24 Heterosexist And Cissexist World." Journal Of Homosexuality 62.3 (2015): 297­326. SocINDEX with Full Text . Web. 5 Feb. 2016. Lemberg, Jennifer. "Closing the Gap in Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home." Women's Studies Quarterly. 36.1 (2008): 129­40. ProQuest. Web. 2 Feb. 2016. Lynn, Steven. “Gendering the Text.” Texts and Contexts: Writing About Literature and Critical Theory. New York: Pearson Longman, 2005. 211­243. Print. Maroh, Julie. Blue is the Warmest Color. Vancouver: Arsenal Pulp Press, 2010. Print. Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. Jeanette Winterson. Perf. Cathryn Bradshaw, Emily Aston, Pam Ferris. British Broadcasting Corporation, 1990, DVD. Sciolino, Elaine. “Darling of Cannes Now at Center of Storm.” The New York Times (2013). Web. 28 Mar. 2016. Thompson, Tulia. "Queer Attachments: Alison Bechdel And The Shifting Relationship Between Queer Selves And Heteronormativity." Women's Studies Journal 1(2014): 83. 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