Stetson Stupor

gli&ifiitj^ aaa StOHO psst g*33ir*^^ rasa -.pu IttU it H»» / Vo'M»'e -^9 Number 1*9 O'saassai-s-aai-a^^ r |-*a8i5ai*aaj**l«r3J^^ raiafi*i****3*3fo April fool s Edition llclJsaaailiaa -tsa ^ Stetson Loses Accreditation A *iit*,**li soused source has biJajmied ns that there ts a -raialL ran jbt spoT in ihe Swhaaajnurtt* Eiemption Disaster of 'T":. Student Bud? President, Clay Henderson, report-edly tiatkea acrssss The poi with relative ease and tread water hx five mutates with his tonga-* swhde giving a spee-chx We 3*.:«ais congratulate Mr. laleadersna on his fine ae- ••xinptei-janerst, bat sanderstand he is somewhat todiapsed. The Stetsssin leport-er, always a staunch ana unbiased supportrr of trie depaarwHl, wishes to extend its heartfelt crsnsotttiori aac sxsngratalatioiis. '*ISS*S8-l*ijT''3''S3S,3tl|8ia3*g-S K&'9B*9SMSl'*StS/f n s>rsR»s"R>,i."*ti,»*^^^ s5j, x, a sur-axse announceinenT fast Tuessiay. Fttad Ser- vit-t-s la-rectc-r fits***-.- stated that nesat wet*, the Commans is s.l tae aervirijs; edible fasad * Until then," said Boone, "Jost bait i* ixsjd am*, niakesnre all of year tnnaculations are up to datt. * Jet-, xraper, who stated Tuesday that retaining the ediiar i*d the Stefan Meprter as a representative on tbe Ship;d Affairs Cotimtittee was tike putting the Rugby Clah en the C >mimtte, has recently propsed to Imait ihe SAC fa otst; ac-rsf.ii, hutr-xi: Praper stataarti that tbe prcfesai rili .ieftcitely -streamline" the process. * i%***-ijr*-*^^ A stetsen student, Beth Kenny, disappared last LMonaay and has nat beer, seen since The last person who saw Ms. Kenny who is only 4 fact It inches Mi, staled that he saw her last walking toward one of the potholes tan the streeT ot front ef Conrad. rbe Office a .Stupid Affairs has announced that Male residents af Carson, Cordis. Smith. New Men's ami CratM'snti itsaw will tie squired tt, sign taut keys to iter dtsnaas af lltey wish tc stay our taier than their curfew. Freshmen men will not bo able to sign oat keys during the first sir, weeks sf aw stay at Stetsoa, ■vlso, stale stadents will be required hs sip their fetnate guests in and out af tis-iar front tit-asks. They will be also required to see that their female gut-st-a wear badges while visiting aad that They are esciirled.it ail tnir.es. ThetXfice of Stupid Mfatrs has stated that tics w;i; «#ed help Stetson hve op to Title XI reqatreaissantsj. sitlWiPiysNiiiM "flit* Sieison Keporter Edifarial /-Staff has aantjunced tha; the anger will & d^k and will bet-in fo cam* all the nattoiaxidsr wirt service stones as welt as nationwide syndicaled t-plaaaatsts In respase m rhe announcement the rrffice Af Stupid Affixes announced that it would increase th-r- entire Raff's a^aries by ten per cent. The move was taken by rams! af thr staff to be somewhat af a token geature aatf they are prepring hi iMianire in search of a Itwnfy per cent raise J by W 01 Sleeter Stetson seniors are in tor a big surprise. They won't graduate. Ready for the good news? Neither will the rear of the stadent body! The aniversity has last its aecr*rfifcation. We obtabied this tnformatian frorn the nrgankafe*"*! uri charge af sacb things, ft was immediately assmed that we had simply lapsed in tiar daes and owed them money. Unfoitunateiy, this is not the case. Th* Sataanal Coiegtafe AvTredilafion Board, a #TOion of General Food", has cited several defi-et-siKi-as in fStefatsa's a«dea*de and ssjciai lie inlrtcttoBs ape.as Mlmm m peai#s«t, oa drinking, m fawtbaD ttani, ne sort**!!? 1mm, m cp! dorms or Irtoa*? v felts!ten sad no twmm. fsetij* tmm- bers, The president af the beard commentarf., "After ali what is trollege all about? Bosse, Breads and Baccajtereate! He later added, "Since Stetson has denied its statleats the very staples of college life, indeed it is not a college " Bill Stepp was the -miy aoniinK-trawr rtaa-fwd fer comment. Said Stepp. "'This is serious." Stepp aba graciously volanteered hiniseif for the presidency. Student reaction to this offer was owrwheimiirigly aoneiistint Ihe university, if we may still call if that, « teEttsg jTmnieeliaie action. Taitieiis wail lacreaae ace»rUnjjl*f, Railioal changes wUl be made m fhe *ireas oi b&ww. factttfy, and athletics. A s*ajra*nary" af major changes :s provided. ha Mousing: Hobday Inn has been afrked to desi«n an appropriate cohabitation site. The Ipbbit af this dorm wit reaembfe a chi-ap motel, for The students conifort. While sorority hooises are being built. Greek Gals mil move into the lamb Hotise. Tfus is where they spend all of their time anyway. Color schemes will be votetl on m the cs*aed dorms - so be thinking, The l*re*ldeucy; Helen Gurley Brown is moving inks fhe President's House and hanging drapes, and mirrors, and making things comfy in general, it's so nice to have a woman around the house! 1>rWdng; The Hatrack will soon begm nickel beer wa«&, Freshmen will be sm*ed free, Throwirtg up wit he prohibited and those who indulge will be placed en social probation wider the Draper Bestrlutlun. Parmis Weekend Canceled; Parents To Leawe Parent,*.' Weekend was canceled for tbe liTs-lli-'.-" acadsamic year aeccrdang to the offttv sif stsideitt affairs. Adrninistcativi. probtenas wtre sated by a Parents' Weekend sat«esnta-i "Li's a tenable mistake" tbe sp.slaesnxn sain, assi?:^ that nis n,k?iiL* be wChhsahr "Wr su-ix a*' ttxrkirtg against a May *. deadline: 1 diin"t kn«-st" haw ihe paronra iters: nivncu bar April first." Lac saad. '*This innsf lit- a t-f*r«-* a*r,ie* April Fnol's jrske.'* Officials in fhe office stf student affairs have sspted t«a cancel thr yearly atfair rather tha a call the parents hack ,-,'i Way rir-T "Nt-tbrn^ rs readc." .-.nc .ifaicral lansonft'd, ssur 'aaraca-ae is prabably ?fJ' r1ra,*trti rs .atile c sunt ry.** Rarents will he asked t.-- leave c ana pus h*mi-r--rvH Cars sitlt parked on campus 'xithaut reiatistration stis-ker"- ai risfsa sm Saturday will tae isi wet! away at owner expense. "We can't have parents "Auling up ihe traffic patterns." a secariay adftcer expla.ned. Can will be ts tsrwl t,-;he tit .Jchrx rtvea* l.s be drsassst-d >;. ' I* r e s *i a s s : n e : * trespassnae." vs-achided. rhe iiffitsal In a terse statsaroent tssued by ihe S-A.tr represen tatives concinded Pradent Assenaibly nieddiirss had caased rhe miat-op. The asssambly responded waft ^ verbose den„il C.mrnents in tht af- tenitatl- i.f tsialay s at;. asLonteiaent xave tbe -ana;*, >: :iae aaiversily's ad- rnaistralian it. saiststia.-s A*ewspaper etlitsirs and saurees are. as always iart*p*'j«s^